You know, you never think they’re going to show up in your community. Or live nearby, driving down the property values with their sad, pathetic life choices. But there they are, just down the road at Venice–Busybodies:
A condo association in Florida has found a way to keep out those pesky homosexuals and people shacking up in sin. It only allows single people or those who are legally married as “husband and wife” to buy in the neighborhood.
Seriously? I’m not sure which would be sadder: that they added the “husband and wife” language so it wouldn’t look like homophobia, or if the condo association is actually concerned about keeping out living-in-sin heterosexuals.
For the love of The Flying Spaghetti Monster, who the hell even has time to amend condo association laws like that? The amount of free time you have to spend thinking about what might be going on next door. Behind that locked door. After that pretty young thing just had her gentleman friend moving in furniture the other day. And he hasn’t left since, you know. He’s in there. His strong, sweaty arms wrapped around the curve in her back. Those manly hands cupping her soft, supple…
Well, darnit, you’re never going to finish yourself off with those thick curtains he’s installed! None of this would be a problem if they kept out those living-in-sinners. They ruin everything! A married guy would have taken weeks to get the curtains done. Now you’re going to have to try to figure out that interweb thingamabobber, because there is no way you’re going to drive around the block to try to buy a girly magazine. Not after Gladys almost found that one back in 1945, no siree.
Ban ’em! Ban ’em all!